Once Upon a Time in The Universe - Pitching The Pitchfork

Satan: An Autobiography - Yehuda Berg 2010

Once Upon a Time in The Universe
Pitching The Pitchfork


This is my story. However, when I explain my origins you’ll also learn something about your own. Let’s first tackle Creation and the origins of this universe. Wouldn’t you finally like to know where you really come from, and what you’re doing here?

We’re going to have to travel back—way, way back—to the beginning of it all. To the beginning of all beginnings. Long before Sir Isaac Newton and the Renaissance, before the Knights Templar in the Middle Ages, prior to the prophet Muhammad teaching in Mecca, before Jesus walked the Holy Land, before Siddhartha founded Buddhism, before Moses stood on Mount Sinai, and before Abraham discovered the unity underlying all reality—even before I seduced Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (I’ll explain that episode later on). In fact, we’ve got to go back some 15 billion years ago and then roll back even more, just before the Big Bang and the notion of time popped into existence.

This is where the real story begins.

I could write volumes explaining the birth of the universe and the emergence of life on Earth. But I will dispense with all that. Real truth should be able to be reduced to a simple tale understood by all. What follows is the story of all stories, told in three short acts.

Act I

Once upon a time, before the creation of the universe, there was an infinite Positive Force of Energy that you folks have the habit of calling God. This Energy filled all reality. There was nothing else besides this Energy, this Light.

Act II

One fine day, God decided to share all His Light, which consisted of love beyond love, bliss beyond bliss, and joy beyond joy. But there was no one with whom to share. So, God created a being to act as a recipient, to receive the goodness that God wanted to give. This being of receiving was one giant soul, which encompassed what would later become all the individual souls of humanity, even yours. This being was the Vessel.


God filled the Vessel with infinite happiness, whereupon both God and the Vessel lived happily ever after. Well, not quite…

A funny thing happened. For one brief moment during Act II—right before Happily Ever After was achieved—an extraordinary event occurred.


Not much, really. Only the development of the cosmos, including the entire history of human civilization up to and including the present moment, as well as all the events that will transpire tomorrow, leading up to the final destiny of the world!

From our perspective, that’s a lot. But from the perspective of God, it transpired in less than a blink of an eye.

What follows is a concise account of what took place (and what is taking place right now). It is also the story of my life.